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Where do i run to when home is no longer a home?

They say you can never escape your family, right?!
Have you always wanted to know how good your parents were? okay then, have a look at your life and tell me what are you? where are you now? If you have a good life, Your life is a reflection of your parent’s goodness. If you’re having a bad life, Uh-oh i don’t wanna tell you that your parents maybe weren’t the best breed.

You are attracting what your parents have worked for you, hard to swallow! Give it time!
Let me show you a simple trick; if you had good parents, life is much easier for you. If your DNA is shaped by individuals driven by narcissism, manipulation, and deception, then this existence becomes a perilous journey – behold!

You know when they say it’s in the blood, i used to hate this sentence, never believed it. I was always the one to comeback at them by saying hey, people can still turn out different and good, it’s all in my hand to switch myself into a good person like a quick magic trick. I think it was the most overly stated or exaggerated concept. Hard to admit that I was living in my head, It was easier to say and to believe that false reality until i was presented with an ironclad evidence to believe this extremist, hateful, rhetoric dialogue is indeed the law of the universe. I was enlightened to a breakthrough that made me realize oh shit, the statement is significantly correct; people show you where they come from, DNA never runs out of the line, Kids are the remarkable reflection of what their ancestors have sowed.

Parents hating on you, sibling alienating on each other, crying, bitching about relationships, and wishing the worst to each other, making it look like everything is good on the outside – making a fool out of yourself. Gaslighting is; when a person tries to control others, by twisting their sense of reality. Don’t tell me you’re new to this. If you haven’t been a victim of it, count yourself the luckiest. If you have, hey this is for you! Kids who grew up in these homes didn’t turn out to be the best you know. They are doomed, they do not even realize the damage done because of their ill-fate, they will die calculating how to get out of this bad bloodline and clean themselves and I am certain they never will find a way!

You are answerable for your own doing. Yes, I understand that, but It’s going to take you a long time to break those ties, because my love blood is indeed thicker than water. It would never leave you in peace if you belong to a bad blood. Do you think it’s easy? coming to a relization that your family is toxic? believing that if i do not deviate the way I would end up same, fearing that you don’t wanna bring your children into this cruel world, getting scared of future relationships and ruining your own happiness? Feeling like you are at fault? blaming yourself for everything that happens around you? Carrying an uninvited guilt that will never leave your soul?

You life has become a blessing only with two options, One; because your parents were good human beings, Two; Your parents were at least sincere to their kids. There is no third way!

God doesn’t spare ease until you qualify!

If you’re going through hell – Keep going!’

With good weather in front of me today, it’s raining, my coffee on the table and a book in my hand. I can see myself in the mirror of the window and i can only feel the never-ending despair crawling inside of my head and leashing all the darkness in me floating into the weather – I repulse it; like every other thing in my life; I repulse ease – feeling like you don’t deserve happiness, tranquility, and peace, because it will never come to you, you have never made yourself significant enough to deserve it. You laugh but you don’t actually laugh. You make people smile so they can do it back for you, but nobody cares enough to return the favour? You would cross oceans for them, and they wouldn’t lift a finger for you? Yes; You, how are you able to make it to another day after every day? Are you insane? Why don’t you lose it, once and for all? Why don’t you make it easier for yourself? Why don’t you end the cycle?
Stop it, you Monster!

People who have put you in this miserable situation are happy. They have everything; they have happiness, purpose, and peace. Why peace? why do they have peace, God. I am talking to you, this is the one thing that i want you to seize, I want you to snatch away the peace! Please, do me a favour, add on to their pains and help them get a bad ending.

I don’t want to see you happy and in peace, I wish life could shatter down that false pretty exterior and put you down to your knees where you actually belong, and when you beg to God to spare you another chance to come back and correct the mistake you made, the mistake you chose to make and you are still proud of making. You owe me the explanation to put me in this hell-hole, and you need to come up nowww. Hey you, I want to see you suffering, suffering till the last breath, i want to see you asking for help, i want to see you begging for life, I want to see you in pain – immense pain, shattering pain, where your mind and body are collapsing into one and you have nobody to run to!

I want to see you dying- Alone, In your own filth!

Ever wonder, Why some people are so hard to understand, they make zero sense to you? And you with your little mind cannot even try to figure out? because the eyes does not see what the mind does not know!

‘Don’t play the odds, play the man’ – Harvey Specter

Are you the man playing or the one being played? Or maybe the worst of it, not sure which one!

Bing ‘calm and collected’, people who never lose their self in the chaos, who holds a strong sense of rationality at all times. The problem solvers!

Behind every worst case scenario, there is a worst worst-case scenario, and I am prepared for that!

Be on guard, set peace of mind as your highest goal, learn the difference between reaction and response, master to control the emotions, don’t lose your senses, use the left side of your brain more often because ’emotions are a critical source of information for learning’. Keep your mind busy in calculation rather than focusing on the inherent drama. As a human, we are liable to feel intensely about happenings, our external environment is our biggest trigger, people are the most dangerous stimuli, anything that is presented to you, take it with grace and do not give it enough power to run you over, you cannot let a small inconvenience crush your character – Hold that thought, keep your composure, set the body language straight, never let them see you sweat – send a message, take your time, and then come back at it; with power, influence and strategy – uh oh, winning strategy!

Sadly the story does not break here, once you work hard for years and put a lot of investment on it, the moment you get to a point where you have full-control of your emotions, the world would start calling you crazy, vicious, self-centred, ruthless, inhumane! what do you do? you listen to it, absorb all of their accusation with the help of that very little thing you just learned.

Don’t worry about them, because the biggest deficiency in the universe is ‘Emotional Intelligence’~ so they don’t know what power you own, because they cannot get a hold of it!

And you don’t learn the lessons from losers, do you?

Attack him where he is unprepared, Appear where you are not expected – Sun Tzu

Let’s make it personal, Let’s take it outside..

‘Put down your small talk, and teach me to fight.. !!!

Do not let it slide, Not everything that happens to you requires your forgiveness, maybe it needs your attention; be reasonable and teach them the lesson back, whenever or however required – Be the glitch in the matrix!

Silence is a strength, but it is a sign of weakness to the weak, Letting go is a remarkable quality but it is not appreciated to a non-thinker, You doing the good irrespective of their ability to receive will never be sufficient enough. Do yourself a favour; stop maintaining your protocols to the people who deserve a call out. Everything happens in circular motion, repeated manner, but no one learns anything because no one lives long enough to see the pattern. Consider yourself worthy if you see the dark realities of this world, and you can connect the dots that normal people can’t, you catch the sight of naked truth. Your path is different , more critical because you have the tendency to bring the change, to break the cycle, to be an Outlier.

Question the rhythm, point out the wrongdoing, change your path, figure yourself out, submit to your strength, hold yourself accountable, stop believing the lies, start digging deeper- this past generation has taught us to be respectful towards the decorem of this society – Footsteps of our elders ; elders who themselves are an epitome of weakness, wrongdoings, unclear opinions, crossed mindset, compromised standards.

Please stop following them out of your guilt!

God wants you to use your own fucking mind!

‘Don’t bullshit a bullshitter’!

Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out of your mouth!

I will give you a thousand reason to flip out and i will purposefully see how quickly you lose it!

Devil’s advocacy is a blessing in disguise, use it for your good and see them freaking out on erroneous believes they hold on to, so strongly. We think we are intelligent, but the whole definition of being intelligent is ‘the ability to change’ – To change your beliefs, your thoughts, your viewpoints, your Mindset! But before you go onto that wild ride of change, you have to accept that you can be wrong, first get ready to take it in; absorb, listen, process and learn.

People having alternative views are an opportunity for us to learn, the universe has planted them in front of you so you might learn something new, pick up a different perspective, start thinking divergently, maybe your filthy approach of life could swap, develop and level up.

A good argument with a healthy mindset can actually save you a lesson worth ‘ten years’ of your life!

Don’t call yourself a ‘free thinker’ if you cannot hear opposing views with a smile on your face and a curious question mark in your mind. Free thinkers are the ones who are able to adapt to anything. They listen to it carefully, not just for the sake of an argument but for the sake of their high morality, with every fiber of their being, keeping an open interpretation and a little bit of sadness in them; because they know the importance of philosophy, the literal meaning of philosophy is ‘Love of wisdom‘.

So tell me what are you looking for ? Is it ‘wisdom’ or just another episode of ‘melodrama’? because you are going to find your ‘it’!

‘Have mercy on the miserable’.

Don’t shout, keep your hurtful words to yourself.

You know what we lack the most? you’re thinking humility, empathy? love? understanding? No, I am not gonna use some fancy word to make an impression; we lack ‘consciousness‘. that’s it, the most important aspect of human mind, nope, we don’t have it.

We think we can see, and we can say a lot of things around here. But we are highly mistaken. We are not alive enough to care, care about this world, our relationships, and our people, surrounding, animals, trees, insects, or all kinds of life that God planted. We are here for the massacre!

Do me a favour assign yourself this task: Never say the first thing that comes to your mind when somebody shares a secret, or ask you for a favour or a suggestion or whenever you think you are due an answer. Stop, Don’t say it, Play it dumb, stay quiet, even if you have a million words to say, just don’t, let it slide for once in life and see yourself, i mean actually see yourself dying out because you are an empty tin can, you cannot stop making noise, because you think you are so aware of this world, you think you are so wise, you think your petty self and hurtful words can change my mindset, my mood, my attitude, YOU ARE MISERABLE, ‘YOU ARE NOT HELPING AT ALL’ YOU ARE MAKING IT WORSE’. I know my worth, I know what I lack, I know how bad of a person I am, I know what life will offer me, I know I don’t deserve happines, I know all of it. I just don’t need your reassurance to believe that. I don’t need you to shout out of your throat and tell me that i deserve nothing, I don’t need you to insult me in order to make a point, I don’t need you to curse me just to win an argument, I don’t need you to crash my soul and wish me the worst for future. I know you want to see me failing, I just don’t want to hear about it, I am tired of your voice, Can you please stop? ShhhShhhh!!!

Life has already taken a lot, I am only let with pain in myself. If you cannot help me fight with it, then please at least don’t make it worse. I am surviving alone, I am fighting the day, let me be, go back to your happy life and act the way you always do, because you are not actually concerned about me, you are concerned about making an appearance!!!

Stop provoking other people and counting it as a win, try being a human next time. Every tear that i lost because of you is chasing you for a payback. There you go, pay attention to what you’re doing; Don’t help me, HELP yourself!

“It is the fight alone that pleases us, not the victory.”

Has someone delivered your lifelong goal in your hand, just in a blink? Wait, this is for you!

When you are provided with ‘gold‘ on a ‘silver platter‘, you are least bothered to care for it. It’s actually the journey that makes us winners, not only the outcome. I admire people who get everything on a single ask, but sadly I know they are bound to lose it on a single push.

When it’s not your game, you don’t hold the ground under your feet. Everything that came easy to you, will be gone very easily. Count your blessings now, and then reverse engineer the ones you actually worked for, done? Now minus everything else you have!!! And be ready to lose it, anytime, any moment because it’s not actually yours to begin with. Eventually, you lose everything you didn’t earn, be it people, money, success, fame, or that car of yours. If you haven’t dropped bloody tears from your eyes, excessive emotional investment through your mind, and draw sweat from your body, the objective success in your hand is not righteous; it’s not earned, you don’t deserve it, give it back to the universe and try to make a good bargain next time.

Lose the battle. Win the war! The wars with your conscience are always the hardest to win. Stop with the covers of “good luck” when you know the bargain you did was a moral compromise or an exquisite contract, to give something in return, something above matter!

“Some people are great at giving you just enough hope to hang onto absolutely nothing.”

They were supposed to hurt you, and you were supposed to sit in your pain for a while, not because you deserved the punishment or anything but because it’s the only way you can shake the old version of yourself. You needed that to wake you up!
Open up your eyes, clear your head, and stay attentive to what you are receiving. If it does not fulfill your criteria, get out of it. Relationships should not work like parasites you know what parasites do? they eat their host, they will eat you to death and you cannot blame them, because their way of survival is natural. They don’t know what they’re doing wrong; they don’t have a code of life; they don’t live by principle, this tiny little inhumane creature called a parasite; it lives on by bringing your death, and when the one prey is finally gone; they move on, pick a new target and they keep on eating it until the end of time.
So my friend, always have an exit clause in mind, when you are dealing with such people (it could be your family, friends, or lover – anything). We humans who call ourselves ‘the greatest’ possess all the horrible capacities that make us devils.
Nobody can claim authority over you, they cannot have-you-all, nobody can ruin your life, and no one has the power to change your personality so it can fit their parameters. Your way of giving is bringing your fall, I BEG you to stop, take your hand and shake it off. GIVE UP, you draw yourself out of the equation immediately, and save your petty self!

Doing this is hard? Yeah, it’s painful, and it will crush your soul drastically, you need time to come back, maybe a long, long time, but you keep on living, believe me, no one ever dies for love or due to the lack of it, Life is not a movie, we are all here surviving tired, pathetic, but alive, trying to make our way out of this pain.

And once you do it; Let them think they have it better, let them play the blame game, do not wait and answer their summons, do not stand there with them for one extra moment, do not reconsider; the minute this universe offers you that ‘moment of realization’ and you see how you’re drowning because of that one person while maintaining that unhealthy, broken, deceitful, fake relationship.

Put the clause in motion, GET OUT- They don’t care about you, anyway!

Yes, because that’s where it was supposed to be. You fool!

You can’t give an honest answer to a silly question, yes? So stop trying!

People like us who have a strong sense of judgment are sometimes taken as ‘overthinkers’ or ‘neurotic’. What you fail to understand is; this complex intelligence is actually payback for everything that we have been through in life.

One coincidence is a coincidence two are a clue and three are proof- Agatha Christie.

Life is a pattern of non-stop events, everything is somehow connected to the core (you). Let’s get real: I’ve lived out of the chaos until it was clear, I have a better hold of things now because I messed up last time; I know how to fight back because that’s all life has taught me, individuals like us, surviving since the start, who fought more battles, we know shit better than you, we can see how reality shatters before our eyes, and We can see it all coming because our brain’s patterns differ from yours, my memory muscles are equipped to correlate, I can connect the dots more precisely.

Stop questioning our intentions, don’t get threatened by our intellect, do not misread our conflicts, and please do not take them for granted. Use it for your own good and leave us the hell alone.

So, whenever you ask for a suggestion and someone puts a thought in front of you from a different angle that challenges your regular thought process- Give it a chance, listen, and try to rethink your scenario to get a perspective, their little suggestion might work, and their obsessed behavior and intense response may save you from trouble, do not call it crazy’ because I don’t want life to teach you the same lessons, the hard way. The people who take their time, listen to your problems, and then calmly present you with cruel but realistic arguments are the ones you need by your side.

I am not an ‘overthinker’ or ‘manipulator’; I am just very very cautious of life because I have been there on the other side and it’s ugly- I want to save you!

HELP YOURSELF!

“Everything that kills me, makes me feel alive”

Damaged People are dangerous, they know they can survive.

How to align your neurotransmitters to handle active pain when a piece of bad news is dropped at you in the middle of the night, while you’re partying with your friends, or you were just falling asleep? Or maybe reading a book? Playing with a kid? Or worst of all – driving? How do grown-ups behave? or the more important question, how should we behave? Stop being reactive! Listen, stay quiet, absorb, and reflect back! You will see the game changing – breaking is too harsh for me, you just have to bend the rules. So here is the deal, you get to hear a bad news, it’s okay to have that momentary lapse’, where you dissociate yourself from reality for a while and then come back to your senses in a matter of time. That’s how you process; You stand still, alone, in darkness, with tears, a heavy heart, chaos in your mind, maybe shivering hands or trembling lips and flaming eyes. Alone – carrying all the power to deal with this reality, you do not create the drama and you do not look for sympathy; you stop acting like a child – Welcome to the real world!

Whenever in life, you come across a failure, and to me failure is defined as: anything from a ‘bad hair day’ to ‘choosing a horrible life partner’. Karma is there working in the universe, but it does not work on your schedule. So be ready; to take the pain, to keep living, to not make a mess of yourself. The people who do you wrong would be happy to see you fail, don’t give them enough power to make you more miserable than you already are.

That’s the rule; there is no rule. God doesn’t take your command, life doesn’t work your way, the future is not in your hand, control is an illusion, don’t get blindsided by your lack of approach, don’t let reality hit you more than once, keep your armor on and start taking things as they are.

You cannot pray away conflict. It’s okay to think about killing yourself, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to relive the embarrassing moments, it’s okay to try your best in relationships and still lose, It’s okay to think about the worst possible outcomes, it’s okay to think your life is done, it’s okay to think I HAVE LOST because yes, sometimes in life, We LOSE- but failures do not define you – it’s not okay to get lost, to give up, or to stop trying. Realign your focus, sit with your pain, cry away the harsh realities, and then come back at life, stop sugarcoating everything, stop manifesting in the wrong direction, and stop doing what you have been doing earlier, Learn the Lesson – Loud and Clear!

If you follow the rule, I don’t promise you a lifetime success, but I can assure you one thing: you will have your integrity intact by the end of time. And when the pieces of life come together in a bigger picture, you will be the last one standing.